I've been struggling with this post all day...knowing I should write something, and wanting to write something...but also not knowing what to write. My mom called me this morning to tell me that my cousin's 11 month old baby girl had passed away. When Marissa was born she had open heart surgery, but was doing really well. We don't have all the details of her death, but it kind of sounds like it was her heart. I found this on a friend's blog and with her permission I have posted it here. I read it when she posted it, and then read it again today. It took on a whole new meaning to me in light of what my cousin is going through right now.
Do you ever quietly slip into your child’s room hours after you kissed him goodnight?
Do you ever sit by the side of his crib, your face pressed against the slats, noticing the way his mouth looks when he is asleep?
Do you ever watch the almost imperceptible rise and fall of his chest while he breathes in and out peacefully?
Do you ever try to breathe in the same rhythm wanting to connect on a far deeper level than the intake and output of breath?
Do you ever look at the way his hair falls on his head, how it swirls in one direction, or curls around his ear?
Do you ever get so close you can feel his warm, sweet breath on your cheek?
Do you ever so slightly touch his open palm savoring the silkiness of skin yet calloused?
Do you ever try to memorize the way his body looked when sleep finally overcame him, legs and arms in different directions, bottom in the air?
Do you ever startle in amazement at how much he has grown without you noticing?
Do you ever wish you could scoop him up without disturbing him so you could hold him close to your chest and absorb his warmth into your body?
Do you ever wonder how you lived, actually fully lived without this child filling your minutes, your hours, your days?
Do you ever breathe a prayer of gratefulness for this life, so complex and challenging, so energetic, so able to inspire a love that overwhelms you?
Do you ever?
Or is it just me?
Please keep the Squadrito family in your prayers. There are 4 other children in the family who have lots and lots of questions, and I'm sure no one really has the answers right now. Thanks. Oh, and thank God for the gift of your children...no matter how frustrated you may get with them at times.
Jodi
